In the madness of the pharmacy today, my brain growled "Eureka!". I'm still onwards discovering stuff about myself, but this was a really useful lightbulb :- I don't know how to relax. Or I won't let myself for fear of missing something or feeling that I should be using all my time to either worry that I'm not doing something or feeling very guilty about not doing anything or just feeling the extreme feeling of can't be bothered.

Brain, keep eurekaing!, we'll get to the bottom of the well with this. And I get highly upset and angry with myself, not helped by certain persons, who reiterate that I'm slow and wieldy and leave things to the last minute. Thanks - not. Yes, we are talking about them that fuck you up - thanks, miapatrick for reminding me of that.  I need to keep reading and talking and building on my knowledge.  Much better than feeling hopeless and banging my head against the castle fortress door.

So this weekend, I wil try and like my company and relax - probably by going round the charity shops, and try not to mentally beat myself about the head when I return back to the digs. Fingers crossed. Mmph. :@

Call me silly, call me changeable, call me an old softy. And the nature pantheism/Animism showing itself of me. I don't care, I think this the nicest, sweetest thing I've seen for a while. Scroll down for a really nice photo. Good for you old chap, I think you well deserve it:

http://news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=8260931&imageindex=8#4715236

:) Isn't he just bloody gorgeous? xxx

I just had a walk in the garden and smelled the blossom, like Lu-Tse (Lao -Tze). Maybe that grounded me, in the beauty of nature.

high hill highs and valley deep lows. Always. And only worked out how I'd felt all life, was depression. That was about three months ago. Having a ghastly evening (broken down about two and a half or three times tonight), though company in 'ouse is balanced. I however, feel like running screaming into the streets.

however, I will spare the neighbours, who would be somewhat worried seeing their friendly local pharmacist assistant suddenly going quite cuckoo.

Just talked to friend of psychology background, up here. Perhaps we will work on this. After all, everyone deserves to enjoy their achievements and present living life and get to know oneself and elevate themselves to a nice state of nirvana or at least something to roll around the rafters in the good and rotten tomato times with.

Don't mind me, I probably don't make any sense, but writing it all down helps sometimes to make sense of the hurt, jumbled, aggravated mess that is making up the inside of my skull at the moment. Black as the inside of a cat on a dark moonless night, as Mr Pratchett mused. Hmmm.

Hmmm. When having decided to make sushi for lunch, or attempt to, it might be an idea to let the rice cool down. Although, maybe better to make rice at lunch and then make sushi for dinner. That idea literally pinged just now. Oh. It tasted pretty alright though. :)

I remember hearing the Poozies sing this acapella beautifully on folk on 2, when Jim Lloyd ran it. It grabbed me then, and then other times, and then I just googled Pete again, who I know, and gods it helps when the mind attacks the psyche and forthwith. And I never knew Damien Barber was a fan and friend of Pete's. Fancy that!

http://www.petemorton.com/

Another Train
Words and Music - Pete Morton

The beginning is now and will always be,
You say you lost your chance and fate brought you defeat,
but that means nothing you look so sad,
You've been listening to those who say you miss your chance.

There's another train, there always is,
Maybe the next one is yours,
get up and climb aboard another train.

You may feel you're done, but there's no such thing,
although you're standing on your own, your own breath is king,
The beginning is now, don't turn around,
For regrets of bad mistakes will only drain you.

There's another train, there always is,
Maybe the next one is yours,
get up and climb aboard another train.

We crawl in the dark sometimes and think too much,
Then we fill our heads with the craziest things that only break our hearts.
I know you've seen what this earth can do,
When its dragging down another loads of us, us worrisome fools.

There's another train, there always is,
Maybe the next one is yours,
get up and climb aboard another train.

I know its hard, we can feel confused,
We can crown ourselves with it all, 'till we feel we cannot move,
building worlds that don't exist,
Imagination plays the worst tricks.

There's another train, there always is,
Maybe the next one is yours,
get up and climb aboard another train.

There's another train, there always is,
Maybe the next one is yours,
get up and climb aboard another train.

Lyrics and music: ©2000 Pete Morton

Yes, that's the one with white shirts and baldricks and bells and sticks and hankerchiefs!

Set up by a few people, on new year's day, this year, watching Sheffield City Morris

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/sheffield-city-morris-or-stamp-doing-stick-dance/340117259

(well, alright that's them in drag in their daughters' Sciorra Irish dancing clothes!), but I knew the husband of one of the people who set it up, who I met AGES ago, at the folk day a the V and A museum, which was a blast. And we share the same name!

I'd heard about "William Morris" from a friend, and we learnt two Adderbury dances today. Goddesses, I'm so pleased with myself, at telling myself, I would pick this dancing lark up again with no trouble. And we in the middle, remembered the three times, everyone forgot, to do double swings and clash sticks. I can STILL JUMP and I CAN STILL CAPER DECENTLY, wiht great leaps, when I have enough breath! This is exercise I like, even though it still gets a bit hot and agh for me. Still, there was a self defence class upstairs, with a rather handsome instructor. Who smiled at me, when he came in - and we were waiting to see who else was turning up - probably due to the makeup, I had on. Stilll...................!!!!!

So doing nicely, slowly, so far, Thank Ye!!!!!!!!! :)

or a couple of May Morn on Higgor Tor, by the mad morris, and of Rochester Sweeps (see last post)!

http://boggartsbreakfast.org.uk/ee/index.php/site/pictures/

And dancing outside the old man of kent pub with our new friends, Hook Eagle Morris (yes, them in the background all in black with feathers in top hats and red braces) - damn fine individuals!

http://boggartsbreakfast.org.uk/ee/index.php/site/pictures_med/308/

and yes, if you flick to something else and come back, the photos change. Just a tip.


xxx :)

It was fab in the best of company.

Travelled down with another Boggart about 1.30pm on the friday, and promptly got caught in roadworks between Sheffield and Derby. **** Went over the most amazing bridges by the tollgate near Essex I think. A mad curving bridge, amazing architectural architecture! We were hoping to get there by 4.30, but hah! we got to the school, which was the morris teams camping ground at 8pm. Still it was still light, and the Boggarts team chipped in to help with putting up tents, and with one Boggart running up to the other end of the campsite to catch the cruising car, that was looking for our lot!

It was really very nice to chill out and chat, and even as it got dark, I didn't have to don a coat. It was that warm, but perhaps that was due to no wind. :)

God, we were up early on saturday, I woke up at 6.30am and decided to get up, so I didn't have to queue for showers and we were due in town, twenty minutes walk away at 10.00. We also have to eat and do our boggarts make up, so you see why, I was keen to get moving. And what a campsite, black painted faces and jingling bells everywhere. My god, I'd been to Rochester on the last day, but a very long high street covered with Morris teams dancing is a great sight to be seen.

We danced at so many places, it is hard to remember, but we made lots of new friends and received so many compliments. We are Border reworked, to impressive standards, and we really enjoyed ourselves, as did our audience. We were in the opening ceremony and danced in front of the Mayor of Rochester (yes, we seem to be making a habit of dancing in front of these dignitaries!) and then I think we joined up with Motley Morris, who organise this festival http://www.motley-morris.co.uk/

We also saw the Witchmen(Kettering?) around and Maenads (Kent), http://www.witchmen.com/
http://www.atmg94.dsl.pipex.com/, Grimspound Border (Dartmoor) http://www.grimspound.org.uk/

The only problem with being in a team is hearing the teams you want to see dance like the above, including Hunters Moon (Sussex)http://www.huntersmoonmorris.co.uk/

But I was in the best of company. It was the first time I'd been out properly with a morris side to a festival, and I saw what great uns I was with. some of our members got in on the friday about 11pm and everyone came and roped in to help put up their tents and settle them down!

We also got noted for the blue faces and for dancing "playground" round the war memorial with people still sitting on it. I didn't get to see any of the Rochester Sweeps, which is a shame as Sweeps are considered lucky, but I did get to see some maypole dancing, after all these years, with two morris dancers standing on an enormous maypole, so it didn't fall over!

On the sunday, I walked past Hook Eagle Morris http://www.hookeagle.org.uk/, and gt talking with a couple of them. Was going to walk on, much as I wanted to watch, when a few more of our Boggarts went past and stopped, and I gabbled on, how wonderful this lot were. They were supposed to be dancing in the same spot, on the next turn, but something had happened. So when we got up to our spot, I hassled our squire, until she went to have a word with them. So, new mutual admiration and friends sprung up, as they came along, danced with us, then dragged us to another dance place, and then we all went to a pub (the old man of kent), on the edge of the town, and indulgently danced for each other. Brilliant!!! I inted to see them again, and I really hope we hook up with them (no pun intended, honest guv), and dance again with them at another few festivals. :)

I think the other teams must have thought we were either mad or hardcore, as we were practising the "impossible dance" on the campsite on saturday afternoon and sunday afternoon! Mind though, we did see which teams are stunning: Working on the dances and strengthening the weak bits, is what Boggarts do, but you can also see it in the teams I mentioned above.

Hope we get dance with you all again. :) :) :) Rar!!!!!!!!!!1

Aarrgghhh!! Don't you hate it when things just di..sapp...ear into that nowhere land. I was looking for one thing, and then realised, I was also missing my purple and black socks. Which means they must be together, only WHERE???. *Grrr*. I hope they are either around the house or they are at the Norwich house, (which wouldn't surprise me in my wild way of packing) or I may have left them in friend's car, who gave me lifts to and back from Norwich.


*swears loudly* this sort of thing really gets on my wick. And much as I want to blame it on one, we don't have a mischievous ghost or poltergeist, unlike   sollersuk. *Grumph*

Of course it could be Mr Pan, up to mischief, (being that it's the 1st of May), but I can't see what even he would find amusing, in hiding dirty laundry. *Double Grumph* Pah. :(

We danced on the rocks and the Derbyshire Hills, and my feet are only just beginning to unfreeze.....

And we raised up Bright Phoebus!

Happy May Day to you all! Good health and happiness always :)