I'm bored, and listless.  And going down up the dips and peaks of life. ****

I am someone never satisfied, and always beating myself up mentally over, that I should be doing more.  And that there are better and so many things I  should be doing out there.  This has reduced me to the greatest of pain and feelings of grisly grisly anxiety and fraught mind.  Sigh, I can cause such knots in my head.  Grrrrrrrr.

As Huw and Tony Williams sang: "Everybody wants to be....., Living in the Movie with the Baddie and the Goodie".  How true.  I am equally blessed and cursed with an extraordinary imagination and mind, and way too much in tune to my feelings, failings, wantings and dreams.  How I stretch my hands out in supplication and hope.......... Ouch.

At this rate, I will fall to the dominions of myspace and facebook  eek!(no no, no no. no no, no no, ...YES!).  the gods bless the Vicar of Dibley! and friends reunited but I have been wanting to do the last one for ages.

Damn, I used to like my own company and dreaming, and then adulthood kicked in..  It hurts, it really does.  Reality that is. 

Or may be I should be good and make this one of my study nights on strengthening my Pagan knowledge some more.  that can be done, possibly with some wine......


Ps On a good note, work is still ok, though I was so tired today.  I adore most of the people that come in, and the colleagues are good chaps too. :)

Edit:  I thought of some things that would help.  BLACKADDER visually and the cripsheets.  "Ye har me hearties .ye but naught a swizzled piglet, curdled in a vat of visceral stinking lard, hung, I might say, from the yardarm of a sailor's armpit".  Oh please Rowan Atkinson, let me join in writing the visual gags for BlackAdder.  Oh, please. :)

Relating to the last post, it's that horrible sense of innate loneliness and failure, that I suppose, I must conquer (any ideas?) before, I can find peace by myself and take my methods of working long term, into consideration and hindsight. It's just so frustrating and debilitating in my head, in the context of the achievement of instant things achieved in the short-term.

*Grumple* :(