gothic_violin ([info]gothic_violin) wrote,
@ 2008-05-08 20:30:00
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high hill highs and valley deep lows. Always. And only worked out how I'd felt all life, was depression. That was about three months ago. Having a ghastly evening (broken down about two and a half or three times tonight), though company in 'ouse is balanced. I however, feel like running screaming into the streets.

however, I will spare the neighbours, who would be somewhat worried seeing their friendly local pharmacist assistant suddenly going quite cuckoo.

Just talked to friend of psychology background, up here. Perhaps we will work on this. After all, everyone deserves to enjoy their achievements and present living life and get to know oneself and elevate themselves to a nice state of nirvana or at least something to roll around the rafters in the good and rotten tomato times with.

Don't mind me, I probably don't make any sense, but writing it all down helps sometimes to make sense of the hurt, jumbled, aggravated mess that is making up the inside of my skull at the moment. Black as the inside of a cat on a dark moonless night, as Mr Pratchett mused. Hmmm.

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[info]sollersuk
2008-05-08 08:18 pm UTC (link)
The important thing to hold on to is this: the highs don't last for ever... but neither do the lows. Having access to the highs makes you more creative; unfortunately the lows are the other side of the coin.

I'm not sure how comforting this is, but if they were evened out you would be as blah as most people.

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[info]gothic_violin
2008-05-08 08:34 pm UTC (link)
Just call me the tortured artist....! Groan~! I need a coping strategy, but it's nice to be heard. *clanks chains and moans piteously* ;)

What festivals are you doing this year? Do hope to meet up sometime. hope you had a fab time with Liz,when you went to London. :)

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[info]miapatrick
2008-05-08 09:30 pm UTC (link)
when i was on prozac (which i quit when they said i had to see a counceller to keep getting it- on the grounds that counceling under duress can not be anything but useless, and that i was studying theology and philisophy at the time, and those disaplines are not combatable judging from the people i had seen up to then) the most comforting thing was a pracise nurse who: First (maybe because she was a catholic) actually belived that i was not sexualy active and so did not need a smear test, and Second, gave this explanation about depression- that the majority of people have a drug, a natural antidepressent, that make it easier to get up earily in the morning, that basically makes life seem worth living whatever, and that people with depression lack this natual antidepressent- so, we're not wrong, techniquly, we're right. depression is not so much a negiative as an absense of a positive.
i do sometimes wish i had been told i had depression when i was a child and diagonsed with it, but i found out early enough. i think the best thing is to balance the low self esteem and mysery with egotism, and you have enough to feel egotisical about, in my book, to bring about a balance.
plus: They fuck you up, your mum and dad
they do not mean to but they do
they (something something) with the flaws they had
and invent some new ones just for you.

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[info]gothic_violin
2008-05-09 07:42 am UTC (link)
*mutters* Bastards! I'm not keen to be in thrall (how I see it for me) to the ******* who screwed up my life and head, by going to them for anti-depressants. It is nice to meet people who have their head screwed on, and I'm glad that nurse was there at the time. the explanation she gives is something for me to think on.

I do keep saying, that I should try and be more egotistical (or arrogant, though the former word seems better), and you know what, I think I'll give it a damn good go. I'm worth it after all. Many many thanks for your comment about that I have enough to feel egotistical about - trying to get worthiness and self-esteem through my skull can be like trying to shout through a fortress door!

Oh they do don't they? I did have a copy of the book called after Philip Larkin's poem, and I ought to track it down again. I f I could sort out all the tangling threads, I might get somewhere. Here, here to that last bit, that's true enough, for me. :(

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[info]ink_a_belle
2008-05-09 02:16 am UTC (link)
Hello there, I do hope by the time you read this, everything is much brighter for you and feeling huge amounts better. x You are more than welcome to get my number off the beautiful Yana and call/text me anytime sweetheart. x Again hugs x

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[info]gothic_violin
2008-05-09 07:44 am UTC (link)
Many thank yous. unfortunately emotions and soul delving resulted in the last two night's being agonising nightmares of things past. *shudders* Maybe it comes up to get out?

Thank you again. I will, though I'll try not to moan too much as you have a lot on your plate. Big hugs, Sweet.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ps - yes, she really is darn beautiful - I wish she'd believe me, it does show through with Yana! xxx

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